So, I heard an interview today in regards to manners and the person was saying we are so missing them in our world today. I totally agree with that and it got me to thinking, what happened to manners? I haven't brought this up on here, because of just sheer embarrassment, but it fits and will help me explain my thinking. I was going out the other night to meet some friends. It was still cold so I had my big coat on and it's a bubble coat, for lack of a better explanation. The elevator was out and I'm walking down the stairs. This little girl and her mom are coming up the stairs and the girl is about 8 or so. She looks up at me and says, "Where you going fatty?" Well, I was just shocked, as was the mother. The mom starts getting on to the little girl and the little girl is just laughing. She doesn't care. So, what was wrong there? I know children will be children, but that doesn't give them the right to be rude. The mother was mortified and was telling the little girl she would get time out and it didn't phase the child at all. She still just laughed. At that point the mother popped her, I think on the head, and the child yells "Ouch!" The mom's reply, "you think?!" LOL, I did enjoy that part, but the whole experience has really made me think. Are you too lax in our teaching of manners? I think a lot of times people see that if you have manners and don't react, respond or the like, that makes you weak.
When someone wrongs you, and you don't react because it's not "good manners" to be rude, does that send a message to people that you are weak? I know since moving here to NYC, I've felt more free to say things that I probably shouldn't or wouldn't have ever said before. I certainly thought it, but now, I don't know, I feel freer to say them. It certainly doesn't make it right, but it does happen.
When I first relayed the incident to Erika she said, please tell me that the mother didn't say, "sorry, that's just her way of expressing herself?"! I was happy to report that wasn't' the case, but have thought a lot about that too. Are we rearing ill-mannered children that eventually grow into to ill-mannered adults because we allow too much self-expression? I know I don't have children of my own, but I have worked with TONS of children and a lot of rebellious children. I know that the thing they crave the most is consistency and discipline. They really do want to learn boundaries and limitations. Without them, they don't tend to fit into the mix as well. They grow up being completely selfish and so unpleasant to be around. Do you have any friends that have children and you see them coming, with the children in tow, and you automatically cringe?
Of course, as a child, when you have no boundaries and no consequences for your actions, then why not push the envelope? I mean, they are just expressing themselves, right? Unfortunately they will eventually express themselves all the way to jail. I've seen that first hand though Camp Tracey. I hear people say all the time, well, he/she is just being a kid, why not let them? To an extent, I so agree with that, but in other areas, I absolutely do not. The first time they face a police officer, the excuse, I was just being me, won't hold up. You can't just turn the switch at 18 and say, OK, all the "expression" I let you have all these years, it's now time to stop that and be an adult. Doesn't work, but so many people think it does. Studies have shown that children learn the best when they are young, that works for all things, not just math and languages.
Now, remember these are MY thoughts and MY opinions, but I certainly welcome yours.
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6 comments:
It all goes back to parents not spanking their kids and teachers not being allowed to spank IMO. And lack of respect. I have a cousin who has a 4 year old little boy that is a holy terror. He's been expelled from kindergarten 3 times this year. But of course his parents don't spank him they put him in time out... That is just a bunch of BS if you ask me.
ITA! The primary responsibility for teaching a child values,manners, etc. lies with the parent(s) and if they are allowed to get away with "murder" as children, it's no wonder we are now seeing a society where there's so much hatred, violence, and apathy. Growing up I would never have thought of treating my parents the way some kids do today and I've tried to instill in my daughter that manners and doing the "right" thing still should be the norm and not the exception!
How much did you love that interview? I so agree. It is unbelivable, and I'm only 19! I've lived 19 years and I'm even shocked. It's a general problem though.
I've had a child call me fat too, and I couldn't belive that at 18 I had to teach her what was acceptable and not. It IS possible to teach a child at a young age what's acceptable and what's not, it's all about how you present the facts to them.
It's really more about the example we set than anything else. How can we expect our children to have manners when we don't? How can we expect our children to have high standards of moral behavior when we don't? We steal, lie, and cheat. We are selfish and unwilling to sacrifice our own superficial desires. Do we really expect the babies to respect us when we don't deserve it?
I agree with you Woodard, that it's the parents that need to change and make things better. That was kind of my whole point. I can't imagine that the mother didn't make that child apologize on the spot and I'm sure, her 'time-out' did nothing. We, of course, aren't perfect so parents are going to make mistakes, but we can learn and we can let our children see that we have learned. When parents let their children run over them and just 'be who they are', that's not loving them, that's being scared of not being liked.
What I do find amusing is that children, and this is very general, but a lot of children raised by 'free-loving, never disclipline, let the child be who they are' parents, are not always those type of parents themselves. They see the need for discipline and structure and consequences for actions. This mother was mad at the moment, but I feel in the end, the child never got the message and will do it again. What will be telling is what she does with her children when she has them.
Of course I agree with my own opinion, it belongs to me. But, I have to admit that there are conundrums. How do we explain two children raised by the same parents, one well mannered and the other a heathen? How do we explain it when seemingly "good" parents raise criminals? Why is it that strict parents sometimes have children that rebel? Is it back to the example they set? Are they more "do as I say than do as I do?
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